Losing it

I had this intense blog all planned out last night...but then I woke up this morning, and remembering none of it. So I guess I will just ramble like I usually do...


I was actually afriad to go to bed last night. I was so exhausted, yet I was DREADING going downstairs to my room. I knew it was going to be one of "those" nights, where I couldnt get to sleep, and wouldnt be able to get out of bed in the morning. And it was. It was a hrad morning, I woke up with that desperate sadness, a sadness nothing can fix. It seems my depression is back full force. So it has been a...well, a sad day. But amazingly, Im making it through.

I havnt showerd though. Thats the sign that I really tried hard to make it through the day, and I just dont have it in me right now.

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For lunch Noah wanted pancakes. I thought, okay, easy enough, fine, pancakes it is. apparently, im a total fucking idiot. I some how managed to splatter boiling cooking oil onto the inside of my wrist. OUCH. It also just so happened to be the wrist that is covered in scars. It seems that scar tissue burns pretty bad. I now have a wonderful 2nd degree burned splatter design on the inside of my wrist. Brilliant.
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I have one exhausted baby to take care of right now. Shes teething. Doesnt want to eat, to play, nothing. Sleeping is also pretty hard for her. So she is fussing, and fussing, and cant be comforted. Part of me wants to scream, shake the shit out of her, " GO TO SLEEP!!", but I know its not her fault, and shes just so darn cute.

Plus, shes learned to clap!! its adorable, and she gives the best open mouthed baby kisses.

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Im so very, very tired right now, so i cant think well enough to continue writing. More later, maybe.